Will you blow on my dice?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
