just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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