Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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