If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
