We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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