Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
