So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
