He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
