I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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