i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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