I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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