we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
