he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
