i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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