My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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