why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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