I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I deserve to be covered in dicks
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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