I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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