dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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