I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
