I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
40s are totally the cure
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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