Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
