Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Randomize
