The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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