i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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