i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
