Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
