Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
