ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
