thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I need moral support for this bender
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
