Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
