Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
