Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
