We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
