im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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