So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
