Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
