Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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