Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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