why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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