When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
