Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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