Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
