Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We need to get me chipped asap
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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