A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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