i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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