if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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