Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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