look no pants
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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