Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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