I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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