seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
