my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
