I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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